I want to remeber my little angel, I planned to write something on Her 10th birthday. June 20,2009. 10 years ago that date fell on a Sunday, and it was Father's Day.

I will never forget the day. So filled with eager anticipation. So thrilled when Madison was actually born. I knew, that day, that my life would never be the same.

The question that always comes to mind is "why?". Why my family, why Madison? Why was she shaken in such a brutal fashion? 10 years later I still cannot answer that simple question. I don't know why.

What I do know is that although the world thinks what a horrible life Madison had; how hard it was for us to take care of her- those kind of thoughts still bring me to anger. The transformation that I witnessed in my life, in my daughter, in my family was nothing less than miraculous! Madison's Mom, Kim,  and I drew closer than we had ever been before. We worked as a team, like a well-oiled machine. When I felt tired, Kim stepped up. When Kim felt weak, I held her up. There was nothing that we would not do for this baby. Our family literally functioned around what Madison's needs were at the time. If there was an event or an outing that could not accomodate Madison's need, it was a no brainer for us- we wouldn't go without her.

Madison was filled with love, joy and peace. She passed that on to us. Her little smile, her whispered coo's, her little hand reaching out when she sensed someone was near.

Now, on this 10th anniversary of her birth, and the 4th anniversary of her death in just a few weeks, I wish I could say that the grieving gets easier somehow. It certainly does not. I know, now, that it will never get easier. I still miss my little angel. My grief is as real today as it was the day she died. My tears are just as close to the surface now as it was on that terrible day.

I also know that it is the grief, the profound sense of loss that compels me to continue the fight. I know that if the grief gets easier with the passage of time then I could become silent. I know that I must not ever become silent. There are hundreds of babies who are at risk right now, this very moment in time, at risk of becoming a shaken baby. I never stop talking about Madison, I never stop telling her story. I tell everyone I can. I educate young parents. I keep a watchful eye for danger signs. I am not alone. I know that. There are thousands of Grandmothers, Mothers, siblings,aunts and uncles who have lived through the same thing as we did- and there will be more.